This collection of articles authored by Holly van Gulden comes to you from a variety of sources. Some are articles that were written and published for publications such as Adoptive Families Magazine and others. Some have been developed as supporting material for training classes, while others are direct excerpts from training materials and books.

These articles are available to you as a resource for developing further understanding of the needs of children and adults who have experienced loss. Whether you are a parent, a mental health care professional, a social worker, a teacher, an occupational therapist, or a person who works with or cares for an individual who has experienced loss, we hope these articles give you a better understanding and a way to begin the process of healling.

The Stages of Attachment  From birth on, parent/infant relationships follow a predictable series of interactive patterns. These are the stages of the "Dance of Attachment." Understanding the "Dance of Attachment" is the first step toward asessing an individual's capacity to hold healthy attachments with others.

Living With an Angry Child: Who's in Charge Here? In families with angry children there are always angry, stressed-out, irritated and overburdened parents, as well. The point of this approach is to teach children and adults how to appropriately express their anger, rather than try to teach a child how not to be angry.

I Know He Knows, Why Won't He Answer? Joined Learning: An Approach to Address Weak or Absent Parent Constancy  Children and adults who have not developed parent constancy and self constancy often experience extreme anxiety around answering questions...

Preparing Children to Answer Questions About Adoption Children learn how to manage life by modeling their parent’s behavior. How you, the parents, respond to questions about your family, about your child’s heritage, personal story, family membership, etc. will have a profound impact on how your child responds to questions and comments about adoption.

How To Tell Your Child Difficult Details About His/Her Adoption. Telling children difficult details in their personal histories (e.g., conception from rape or incest, a parent in prison) is something parents hesitate to do. Parents naturally want to protect their children, and what children don't know can't hurt them, right? Wrong!

Shadow Boxing  Parents are experiencing a painful and sometimes inevitable reaction to parenting children with unresolved losses, trauma, abuse and/or neglect. Most children in placement, who have experienced losses and interrupted/severed relationships with significant caregivers, act out in ways that trigger impatience, frustration, anger, rage and rejection in their ‘new parents'.

Links to More Articles

Is it Adoption or is it Life? Five of the country's top adoption therapists tell us what we need to know to support our children.  by Robert A. Barnett

Adoption: Impact On The Family: A report on the Holly van Gulden-Wicker workshop.  by Lansing Wood